I’ve blinked and a whole half term has passed since I last wrote. We are thundering towards Christmas and the close of another year, which is frankly terrifying and as usual, I’m dragging my feet, desperately clinging on to autumn.
Since the day I cleaned my glass collection, I’ve been pretty busy in my writing life. I decided to write one big list of all the flash fiction writing opportunities out there and having filtered them a little for the ones that felt right for my writing, set about entering as many competitions as feasibly possible. I tried to write ahead of myself so that all the ones with deadlines in November or December were also entered. My plan was to make myself feel that I’d seized all the opportunities open to me so that I would feel I had the space to turn my attentions back to my novel. It seems to have worked because the lengthy list is all crossed off and I have finally begun my re-draft. The months of uncharacteristic inaction feel like they’ve paid off because the plot must have been developing in my brain during that time and now that I’ve actually sat at my keyboard, I feel clear about what needs to be done. The writing is flowing fairly well – though I’m not worrying too much about the form of the writing at the moment, just concentrating on getting the correct storyline down, as my editor advised. My plan is to continue with my main focus on my novel until this re-draft is complete. I am trying not to set myself an arbitrary deadline (as I have always tended to in the past) because I think that if I reduce the demands of myself, I might feel more relaxed and less concerned about the next stage all the time. I think this was perpetuating my anxiety around the constant no’s and feeding my worry that I wasn’t getting anywhere. Maybe I don’t need to be heading somewhere all the time. Maybe I can just enjoy the journey a bit more. It feels good to have all the flash competitions rolling on in the background though. It means there are longlists to anticipate which help me to feel that something is moving along somewhere. I am less upset when I don’t list these days and in a good routine of getting those pieces straight back out again – usually through subs to journals rather than another competition, but not always. So my main focus is my novel but I spend a little bit of time cultivating my flash pieces as and when competitions come to an end. I may or may not have started a novella-in-flash too (what is wrong with me?) but again I am trying not to make a demand of myself to finish it quickly. I don’t want to say too much about it, but it came about when I realised that several of my recent pieces could actually have been about the same character. Once that realisation dawned, I was able to see that I’d written about ten pieces that would work as a collection already. I have mapped out another ten to fifteen stories that will also be needed to complete it and am writing those slowly, using competition prompts where possible. I am loving the efficiency of completing my novella and creating pieces for comps at the same time. I’m not really sure that things are supposed to be approached this way but it’s working for me. I like having a grand plan behind the scenes – it helps with my focus and gives a purpose to my writing that I think I might have been lacking before. I suppose it also feels more like I’m in control of what’s going on with my fledgling career rather than feeling buffeted about by the predilections of others. It’s quite possible that at the end of it, nobody will like my novella-in-flash or want to publish it but at the moment I’m not too worried about that. I like it and I’ve a really clear vision of how it will look when completed which I think makes me feel as though I’m doing my most authentic writing yet. And whether anyone likes it or not, that’s an enjoyable place to be. The character is unusual; a little left of centre and that leads to some stories which are probably a bit weird. But I’m loving the weirdness. I’m relishing it and really exploring the corners of it. Where my novel is an experiment in whether I can write commercial fiction, my novella is an experiment in what my imagination can conjure up if left entirely unchecked. Writing is really just an experiment altogether but having some tastes of success certainly helps with encouraging you to continue experimenting. When I last wrote, a piece had been longlisted in the Retreat West ‘wind’ themed competition and I was waiting for the shortlist. Miraculously, my name was on that list too and my piece Zephyr Zefferelli went on to be named one of two runners up (You can read it here www.retreatwest.co.uk/zephyr-zefferlli-nicola-ashbrook/ ). As my first short-listing this felt like a big deal. The fact I then won a prize with monetary value even more so. I guess I’ve probably been writing fiction about a year now and this was the first money I had ever earned from it. It’s a long way from being a livelihood but it’s a start. And everybody has to start somewhere. If nothing else, it would pay for many of the competition entry fees I had shelled out for. Incidentally, I was all sensible about it and took the opportunity to add up what I’d spent thus far. The result was a lot more than I thought. Competition entry does add up and entering all of them would certainly be unobtainable for those on a low income. My £100 prize money still left me in the minus. However, my husband pointed out that this was a very unromantic way of looking at things and I should do something more fun with my hard-earned prize money. So I did treat myself a little. Shortly after that boost to my writing-esteem, The Storgy competition longlist ( storgy.com/2019/09/23/flash-fiction-shortlist-winners-2019/) came out and somehow my story was on there too. And it was also on the shortlist and went on to be highly commended. Wowsers. I knew this little flurry of encouragement wouldn’t last so I tried to enjoy it for what it was. Interestingly, that story – Tumour – was previously entered in The Primadonna Festival competition and didn’t longlist so it just goes to show that different people on different days might see something different in your writing. And also that old adage about persevering really is true. That piece will be published later-on in a paper anthology - something I’m looking forward to as there really is something special about seeing your words printed in a book. It will be my second ever paper-publishing so very exciting indeed. As always, there have been ups and downs. I got two pieces accepted for publication by The Ginger Collect but it then very sadly folded. One piece has found a new home with Lunate and will be published this week as part of their Halloween series. My competition run has predictably broken with no listing in the Flash500 competition, the Retreat West micro comp (I’ve entered three times now with no luck) or the Bath Flash Fiction Prize. But I still feel the encouragement of those two successes and they soften the blow of the new ‘no’s’. I know that won’t last forever and once there have been enough more ‘no’s’ my confidence will slowly erode once more. But for now I’m buoyant and you never know, perhaps there’ll be some more yeses too.
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September 2023
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